The Nerban Legend|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
little blue dot's LiveJournal:
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|Friday, September 28th, 2012|
|Well, here we are again
Staying up all night the night before a big adventure has been a tradition of mine since I can remember. I honestly can't believe the last time I flew overseas and didn't stay up till at least 3 or 4 am getting hammered alone and listening to amazing music, getting amped up for the experience of losing myself in the world and its myriad languages, airports, and byzantine alleyways.
I guess there is still an element of that in me. It's almost 1:30am and I'm a little drunk, pumping Tupac through my headphones at dangerous levels in anticipatiton of my journey tomorrow that will eventually take me across the Pacific Ocean to Beijing. I mean, all the ingredients are there for a typical JV overseas adventure extranvaganza: I've got no visa for the country I'm flying to, didn't start packing until hours ago, don't know where I'm going to live when I get to Beijing, let alone where I'm even going to go when I get to the airport in NYC tomorrow, or where I'm going to fucking sleep tomorrow night.
But things are different now. I'm 33 years old and going overseas to live out of a backpack for months on end. My gut is straining against my old shitty jeans, with a plain white t-shirt trying desperately to hold it in instead of one advertising some sweet band. I'm drinking red wine out of a nice stemmed glass in the fucking guest room of my mother's house instead of straight whiskey I found in the couch cushions of the BOTH house. I spend more time reading about College Football than working these days. My greatest achievement of the past few months was going to the shitty suburban gym near my parents house for two consecutive weeks before making an ass of myself drinking too much at my friends' beautiful wedding.
In spite of all this I honestly don't really feel depressed, and maybe that's the most depressing thing of all. I'm thankful for how easy my life is, and I really am thankful for the fact that I'm going to ditch any kind of responsibility and go off and get lost in foreign lands with a bunch of 24 year olds and their backpacks. But the truth is, the chances of me achieving anything worthwhile in the next couple months are nearly zero: I will not work off my gut, I will not finish the projects I've been diddling with for the past two years, I will not learn enough Chinese, and I will not really learn anything of value outside of the best draft strategies of the next MTG card set.
I feel like when you get to this point in your life you are supposed to have kids and get married, so that you can give up on life WITH A GOOD REASON. The chances of this are approaching zero, I haven't had a girlfriend since 1997 and I don't see the chances of this improving in the near future.
But all is not lost! I will soon be living in a foreign land, surrounded by interesting people and awash in a sea of novel experiences. The fantasy part of my brain will take over as it always does in these situations, my self-image being magnified to solar levels and my slip in mediocrity being masked by the dream of 1000 unicorns. A slow slide like this is easily overcome by malleable expectations. I'll probably hardly remember this post next time I'm sitting alone in my parent's house drunk, with no particular plan or vision outside of immediate life experiences.
In spite of the tone of this post, I'm kind of ok with all this. The last year I spent abroad was amazing, a life-affirming experience at every turn. The optimistic part of me thinks that this low point is just the calm before the storm, that once on the road I'll be reinvigorated with the awe for the vast variety of life experiences that I've been witness to in the past. Whether or not that's true, at least I'm old enough now to accept what comes no matter what it is.
Maybe that's the trade off of age, and if so, it's one I'm willing to accept. Current Mood: horny
|Thursday, December 30th, 2010|
When one thinks of traveling, one thinks of bringing oneself to far off lands in order to experience what they have to offer, and indeed that is the primary focus for me as well when traveling. However, another, perhaps secondary but nonetheless important aspect for me is to remove myself from my day to day life, from anything familiar. In a way, I'm sort of wrapping myself in a cocoon, insulating myself from my life, job, relationships, worries, familiar faces, familiar routines, etc. Rather than erecting walls I simply surround myself with thousands of miles of unfamiliar land and sea. It can be difficult in day to day life to find time for reflection and introspection. This is doubly true when one both works and lives in a very social atmosphere, as has been true for me for quite some time. Traveling is different. When traveling (alone) social interaction can be somewhat hard to come by, and the natural state is to be alone with your thoughts. Without considerable effort it would be very easy for me not to speak to anyone for weeks at a time. Meeting people on the road is a skill that I've come to develop in my travels, but even so, in the absence of job, parties, roommates, and regular interaction with close friends I find myself spending a lot of quality time with, well, myself. Part of the drive for me to take off again on these trips around the world is a need for the opportunity to go inside my head for a while. To sequester myself off into my little woven home and begin my metamorphosis, my guess as good as anyone's as to what my final form will take.
|Saturday, February 6th, 2010|
Joanna Newsom has a pretty amazing ability to turn what would otherwise be a rote work-a-day commute or a lonely bike ride home in the rain into something pretty special. What a wonderful gift. Current Mood: elevated
|Wednesday, November 5th, 2008|
|Friday, October 24th, 2008|
|afraid of the dark
why do we keep shrieking
when we mean soft things
we should be whispering all the time.
|Wednesday, September 24th, 2008|
|Some things that happened at ATP
( Also...Collapse )
- Climbing the speaker stacks and diving into the crowd during Lightning Bolt.
- Hearing the loudest sounds I have ever heard in my life during the My Bloody Valentine show.
- Sneaking into an abandoned (for the season) winter lodge that was filled to the ceiling with mattresses to make out with a very special and beautiful girl.
- Having Bob Weston (of Shellac fame) ask us to turn our music down! :o
- Having Tod Trainer and the drummer from Mogwai come to our masquerade party.
- Getting sexually propositioned by a (male) member of ...Trail of Dead.
- Leading a drunken mob of revelers back into the aforementioned lodge with the siren song of Roberts and doing nitrous rips and swan dives off of 12' stacks of mattresses in the pitch black.
- Experiencing waves of goose-bumps at the frenetic, optimistic, and downright inspiring Edan show.
- Being utterly destroyed and born again by a constant stream of overstimulation and euphoria.
|Saturday, September 13th, 2008|
Anyone know any good rooftop access in San Francisco? Public is good, private is ok so long as security isn't strict, and night time access is preferable but not necessary. Current Mood: planning
|Wednesday, September 10th, 2008|
|the following activities are encouraged
( I posted this drunk and this part is dumbCollapse )
the following activities are therefor encouraged:
- midnight walking tours of san francisco
- midnight bike rides
- midnight anything
- parking ramp roof tours of san francisco
- costumed bar hopping in strange neighborhoods
- leaving the city
- returning to the city tired, sunburned, and full
- road trips
- costumed anything
- overpass walking tours of potrero hill
- craft nights
- liars dice in china town
- making out
- costumed museum tours
- star gazing
- making out while star gazing
- spontaneous outdoor dance parties
- full or partial nudity under almost any circumstances
- gonzo poetry recital
- passionate, heated discussion about just about anything
- going just about anywhere Current Mood: just woke up
|Friday, July 11th, 2008|
|What the? I mean... a;lskdhjfg;alkjdsf WHAT THE FUCK!!?!
Dude, some CRAZY shit goes down in Africa. I'm not talking about your average, run of the mill, crazy shit. I'm talking about some SERIOUSLY CRAZY fucking shit.
Exhibit A: http://harpers.org/archive/2008/06/0082063
I mean... WHAT THE FUCK! I can think of two possible explanations: First, that magic is real, and that Nigerians are somehow more in touch with it than the rest of the world, and second, that the people of Nigeria are totally nucking futz. I mean, ain't nobody's penis actually shrinking! But the belief is still hella widely spread? Or at least the article makes it seem that way. I am at a loss.
Exhibit B: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanganyika_Laughter_Epidemic
There was a RadioLab episode
about this which makes it sound much crazier than the Wikipedia article.
Man, Africa Crazy makes San Francisco Crazy seem pretty damn down to earth. I can't wait to visit. I think a good old-fashioned penis shrinking would probably do me some good. Current Mood: blown away
|Thursday, July 10th, 2008|
|I couldn't have said it better myself...
"Many think that seeds improve with age. I have no doubt that time discriminates between the good and the bad: and when at last I shall plant, I shall be less likely to be disappointed. But I would say to my fellows, once for all, As long as possible live free and uncommitted. It makes but little difference whether you are committed to a farm or the county jail."
- Henry David Thoreau
|Monday, July 7th, 2008|
|Thursday, April 17th, 2008|
Damn, it's hot as shit in my office. But I am more than coping, having just had a Snickers Ice Cream Bar* and now listening to some god damned CCR. If only this were taking place in Dolores Park, I would be all set.
Bring the effing heat, I am prepared.* Highly recommended. Current Mood: hot
|Tuesday, April 8th, 2008|
|Sunday, March 30th, 2008|
|Thursday, February 14th, 2008|
Current Mood: smitten
|Thursday, December 6th, 2007|
because the weather is so perfect for it today (at least in my little neck of the woods), i thought i would share with you lovely people my latest music obsession: phosphorescent. if i had to cite their influences, i would describe them as similar to bonnie prince billy with a little bit of my morning jacket and a dash of animal collective thrown in for lowfi flavor.
their single: cocaine lights
my favorite: the waves at night
sweeping, epic, beautiful. Current Mood: melancholy
|Saturday, December 1st, 2007|
|by the way
oh, by the way, the universe is bigger than you could ever possibly imagine. please don't take that symbolically or metaphorically, i'm serious. it really is bigger than you could possibly imagine. even our galaxy is bigger than you could ever really comprehend, and beyond that, you can't actually comprehend how tiny our galaxy is in comparison to the rest of the universe. and it is constantly expanding. in fact, even when we are standing right next to each other, we are actually getting further and further apart with each passing moment. oh yeah, and the light you see from the stars has been traveling for BILLIONS of years at a speed faster than you can even comprehend. for some of the stars you see, the light actually left the star before our solar system had even formed.
i mean, i know you knew this already. but i just thought i would remind you.
because it's really easy to forget. Current Mood: insignificant... and precious
|Wednesday, November 14th, 2007|
On friday evening, Chandler and I will be getting on a plane with one-way tickets to Portland. We will be driving back to San Francisco via the Pacific Coast Highway in the brand new* BOTHMOBILE
, a 1991 Toyota Corolla station wagon. Behold:
I know what you're saying, you're saying "Joe, that is a SWEET set of wheels. A total steal for the bargain price of $400! But how are you going to improve upon it?" And to you I would say, I am going to buy lots of spray paint and chicken bones and invite all my awesome friends over to fuck it up.
Things that are in my future: Trips to Target.
Trips to Ikea.
Making out in the back seat.**
Amateur astronomy trips to Marin.
MORE road trips!
Spontaneous road trips!
Not driving Jon Erickson ANYWHERE. EVER.
Specially made road-trip-specific mix tapes.
Anyone up for a road trip?
* It isn't actually new, it's very, very old. But it's new TO ME.
** I actually probably won't get to make out with anyone in the back seat, but wouldn't it be GREAT if I actually did?
Current Mood: STOKED
|Friday, October 5th, 2007|
Heavy metal is just a way of taking God down a peg. Current Mood: godlike
|Monday, September 17th, 2007|